An In-Depth Interview with Author or Loving Bravely and Northwestern Professor Alexandra Solomon, PhD

by Kara Machowski

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   Are you often lost in love, either finding yourself fearing love by avoiding or simply going on a few dates and before backing-off, or you are in love but have difficulty communicating (chances are if you are in a relationship you fall into this category). Love is an unexplained bond between species that is one of the most studied and misunderstood phenomenons of the human psyche that we are all in search of in one way or another.

 

     Love isn't easy, it’s nothing but a dance of the heart, but in “Loving Bravely”, Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, uses her own experiences, those of her patients along with taught and gained wisdom to teach the reader how to face all of the obstacles of love that we are commonly confronted with in our society.

 

     In “Loving Bravely” Dr. Solomon gives her twenty lessons of self-discovery to help you get the love that you want. Everything in our life is relative to our wants and needs, our capability of finding the balance between successful happiness through self realization of the moment and our goals for ourselves, whether it be through love or life.

 

     With a growing number of self-help books, guides to relationships, the ever-so-popular-for-decades “Men Are From Venus Women Are From Mars”, you may be wondering why choose “Loving Bravely”?

 

 

     Dr. Solomon implores us to understand ourselves in order to know the type of love that we have come from and what kind we are seeking. First off you need to know yourself and your needs and desires in order to properly give yourself that type of love you want. She alternates between using teachings from the past to current greats like Gandhi and even a beautiful quote by Barrack Obama about his love for his wife and intertwines them with her learning's from past experiences with her husband and clients who come to her in seek of assistance. While communication is the most common reason that couples seek out therapy it is the basis on how we communicate with one another that most of issues stem from.

 

     In “Loving Bravely” she explores the common phrases that we use that trigger the other person and teaches us better wording to replace them with to get the outcome in which our heart desires.

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     Behind anger there is always the stemming emotion of fear, which is usually the reason in which we argue, from issues like overspending and the worry of being able to pay the bills or brushing our partner off when we don't feel our sexiest, there is usually a reason at which we are seeking reassurance from the opposing side. Dr. Solomon explains that we are to look inside of ourselves to find the underlining worry whether it be a current doubt or something from our childhood, it is imperative to identify it to move forward. She also inserts links and journaling exercises that help understand what is going on internally to better help the situation.

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     Saying we are sorry is not the simplest of thing and often times not even best suited for the moment. In “Loving Bravely”, Dr. Solomon analyzes the usage of the apology in the form of seeking one and giving. We have all heard the expression that “it takes two to tango” but can easily dismiss it, especially when we are filled with that rage that we all know of. But part of actually loving bravely is to take responsibility for our wrong-doings without seeking anything in return, it is that type of love that we seek so we need to be open to taking the higher road and giving that love first.

 

Whether you are the type of person who yells when you are angered, or you shut down, usually a fight becomes a fight because someone feels hurt and reacts to it. Alexandra H. Solomon teaches us that it is only human to react, we have emotions and she uses road rage as a perfect example of that. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but luckily Dr. Solomon’s

guide and outside exercises can greatly give you the confidence to be the bigger person and love, even when we are angry, to see past the situation and know that we are talking to a person who is a living, breathing thing and can be easily hurt as well.

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     It’s not always easy to identify our problems and often it’s much simpler to ignore them than to face them let alone work through them, but “Loving Bravely” guides us through the process and by the end you feel as if you have just been through an eight week session of emotional-karate and are ready to work through whatever love obstacle that we are facing.

 

     Dr. Solomon’s book is an enlightening read whether you are single, in a relationship, on the brink of ending one or have, it can aid in finding closure for each party, no matter how wronged one may feel. She helps us shed our expectations of the fairy-tale romance and appreciate the love that we do or did share with one another. Not a single person is perfect but the love that we share in the moments that we posses them in can be.