by Kara Machowski
The country is split in two, either you’re begging for it to reopen or for it to stay closed, and few outliers just want to reopen their businesses to put food on the table and to return to a semblance of normal life. Then we have our president who acts like a confusing boyfriend, much like Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Gray, where a drunk Ana calls him out for telling her how much he wants her, then tells her he no good for her and should stay away just to pursue her again. President Trump gave states opening guidelines only to tweet about how states should disregard those guidelines and should reopen. The Attorney General threatened that the DOJ would give consequences to states that he said, “met opening guidelines”, but refused to reopen saying they would join businesses and citizens' lawsuits against states.
We have lost our jobs, livelihoods, faith in humanity and our government, suffered losses, and are struggling at depression-like levels. Some are turning to alcohol, fighting with spouses and some are finding themselves depressed for reasons that they can’t explain, and that’s okay. Even for me, I have to take time to check myself as some weeks or days are more difficult than others. My job requires me to surround myself with coronavirus information and sometimes I find myself suffering the emotional consequences of an unstable president and governors, misinformation, angst against the media, including myself -for reporting on a subject that is heart-wrenching.
1. It's okay to fight
My husband and I have our own personal struggles, even as we’re in the strongest place in our relationship. We’re trying to balance a relationship with working from home together, keeping a clean and healthy household while trying to ignore the criticism that comes with the territory of choosing a side. I found myself struggling last week, butting heads with my husband where we normally don’t clash and had to just take time for me. When this happens, I typically lock myself in the bedroom just to be with myself. I write, watch movies that I know will only be watched if I’m alone, read, and then I emerge for meals. I’ll run with my dog and do some yoga to make sure that I am keeping fit, but then again, when I don’t feel good I allow myself that time to rest.
2. Find you time Giving yourself time to rest and relax doesn’t come easily for some, along with being locked up in a house, some with young kids, whether you’re working from home or struggling to find a job or applying for unemployment. Many of you out there don’t ever take time to stop, to think, to be alone and are really struggling right now and that’s okay too. I worked from home before all of this, so I’m used to keeping myself occupied, taking personal breaks (many of us who work from home neglect 30 minute or hour lunches). It’s okay to not be able to answer that email, even that call from your friend because you don’t know how to say that you’re not okay. It’s a weird or new feeling.
I also try to keep a clean house, for me, it's calming to have a bit of control in my life, and having a clean room where I can breathe and not be okay in, makes me feel much calmer. Then I have a clean surface to put my calming chamomile tea down on. I've also stopped cooking so much, while I have friends who are becoming home chefs, don't feel like your expected to put a healthy meal on the table for you or your kids every meal. Making healthy dishes is still easy though, we've been having a baked potato night once a week. All we have to do is throw a potato in the oven for an hour and fill it with our favorite toppings, and they can be healthy options too! I've thrown in some artichoke hearts, mixed and re-baked and we pick out a movie and have a relaxing night.
3. Don't be so hard on yourself However, this is the time to tell yourself that it’s okay to not be okay -to eat food you wouldn’t normally, or take those days off from exercising where you’re just too beat. The truth is, as I’m sure you’re becoming aware of, it’s exhausting to stay home all of the time. Sometimes you find yourself unbelievably exhausted for doing nothing, but it’s because your brain has been stressing. I was listening to NPR a few weeks back where they were interviewing a girl who recently lost her job and was explaining how stressful it was to keep calling the unemployment offices every day and had to limit herself to 400 calls a day. 400 calls a day even seems like an unreal number.
When it comes to those who are still working from home and finding it at times hard to concentrate, that's okay. You're not working from home, you're trying to work from home during a pandemic. For many, it's your first time working from home and it can be hard to concentrate, many who are finding themselves working from home for the first time are experiencing this, it's okay. Some know others who are struggling or might know someone who is ill, whether it's from coronavirus or another illness, times are really tough right now. Many can't visit loved ones who are ill, who are in the hospital and who are in nursing homes. It's a really tough time for a lot of people right now, and those who seem to be moving through this pandemic like it's a breeze, realize how lucky they are and sympathize with those who re having a tough time.
4. Check in with your therapist or PCP
Some of you may be feeling so nervous that you're having thoughts that you wouldn't normally have. Urges, even urge to just explode. These are all okay feelings, but right now might be a good time to check in with your doctor. For me, I have sought out therapy in the past and ended up finding a great female PCP who helped me find the right medication for my nerves. I grew up anxious, I have always had acid-reflux from a very early age, so finding the right medication for me was a life changer. And I'll be honest, I get the hesitation of being on a medication, and it's not for everyone, it's not a change-all, it took a lot of personal help to get to where I'm at, but it can really take the edge off as far as those types of nervousness where you just feel off. It's a great time to find a doctor who will have a telehealth conference, if that's what you feel you might want.
For some of you, it’s okay to make yourself that cocktail, you deserve it, and for some, skip that cocktail and make yourself some really good tea and fill your bath. Rub that lavender oil on your temples or take time to watch that nostalgic movie you haven’t seen in years. Take time to just breathe, take a nap -it’s just an hour or so from your day. Or if you’re antsy, take that walk, blast that music. And when you’re feeling good, make sure to check in on that friend, because they might not be okay.
Feeling really down? Please seek help, it's out there and there are a lot of people who understand and want to be there for you.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death amongst young adults. If you or someone you know is having thoughts about suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255.
If you fear that you or someone you know is suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction please call SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please call National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
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