The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

by Kara Machowski

    Chicago is chock-full of an eclectic array of entertainment venues and a long list of ones that are open until the wee hours of 4am. We’ve visited them all and came up with a suitable list of the good, the bad and the ugly late night establishments from Porn and Chicken nights at the MID to getting on your Saturday night fever in this eras hottest disco, all located in your very own city of Chicago. I think that you’ll be surprised at which clubs made our list.
 

 

               The Good

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Green Mill
4802 N Broadway St
Thursday 12pm-4am
Friday 12pm-4am
Saturday 12pm-5am
Sunday 11am-4am
Monday 12pm-4am
Tuesday 12pm-4am
Wednesday 12pm-4am

    The Green Mill is one of Chicago’s staple jazz clubs and owner and Dave Jemilo has continued the ambiance with 40’s inspired service and sounds from jazz roots in New Orleans to New York. While some call it a “tourist trap”, I think The Green Mill is still one of Chicago’s best bars where you can find some of the most sensual jazz of this time period along with covers from the past. Smoky rhythms filled with saxophones and bass creep through the club until the early morning hours that breakaway for dawn, be it that the club is open until 4am every night. If you get there early enough you are still able to claim a seat at Al-Caone’s signature booth that allowed him full view of each patron as they entered the building. Their bar offers an extensive list of spirits and a few wines and bar snacks. Oh, and don’t forget to bring cash for the $10 cover charge.

http://greenmilljazz.com/
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celeste
111 W Hubbard St, Chicago, IL 60654
Thursday 5pm-4am
Friday 5pm-4am
Saturday 5pm-5am
Sunday-Monday Closed
Tuesday 5pm-4am
Wednesday 5pm-4am

    Located in the heart of Chicago’s sophisticated River North, Celeste offers a modern multitude of entertainment and was named River North’s sexiest 4am bar. While I don’t know about sexiest bar in Chicago per se, it definitely has the sense that you may run into an actual 007 agent within its confines. Not only does it offer up some of your favorite craft cocktails of this era and just about every drink of the past, they also have an extensive mouth-savoring menu including separate late night kitchen options. Celeste extends its swanky rooftop to their guests and has a view of the city along with the rambunctious Chicago clubbers below. Don’t forget to make reservations if you plan on spending some time here as well as dining with them, you don’t want to squeeze into the bar to nosh pork sliders or enjoy your Berkshire Pork-chop (highly recommended).  

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Disco Chicago
111 W Hubbard St, Chicago, IL 60654
Thursday 11pm-4am
Friday 11pm-4am
Saturday 11pm-5am
Sunday-Wednesday Closed

    One of my favorite late night clubs in Chicago has to be the Disco. Located above Celeste in River North, Disco will make you feel like you are in a modern day version of Studio 54. The club is equipped with a light up dance floor whose colors rotate seemingly to the beats of Donna Summer remixes and disco inspired jams brought to you by their featured DJ. The decor in Disco is reason enough to check this place out, with fur couches, acrylic furniture and giant disco balls, you’ll rarely find another club this decked out. Just like the original Studio 54, even making reservations at this place doesn’t ensure an entry, so make sure to wear your best disco duds and bring your inner “Stella”.

www.discochicago.com
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elixir Lounge
3452 N Halsted St
Monday-Thursday 6pm-2am
Friday, Saturday 6pm-4am
Sunday 4pm-12am

    Finally there is a lounge that is open until 4am in Chicago where you can actually have an intimate experience with craft cocktails and top shelf spirits. Elixir, located in Lakeview, is exactly the type of late night spot that the city has been yearning for. You wont find a DJ set, high priced bottle service or flashing lights at Elixir, but what you will find is a sophisticated lounge decorated in upscale fashion and prohibition style drinks with a modern twist. Down to earth bartenders actually take time in creating your cocktail instead of pouring over watered liquors into a plastic cup while you pray you don’t have a hangover the next day from the pounding music. Be sure to check them out on Wednesdays for half off bottles of wine and try one of their adult snow cones, which are fabulous, even on chilly nights.

http://www.elixirchicago.com/

 

The Bad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exit
1315 W North Ave
Chicago, IL 60642
Sunday-Friday: 9pm - 4am
Saturday: 9pm - 5am

    Exit is located in Wicker Park and might tip on the side of worst 4am bars, but that depends on who you ask. It is absolutely one of Chicago’s best punk bars, in my opinion that’s about where the marvelous aspects of the club end. Don’t be tempted by the Motherfucker cocktail offered by the bartender, just stick with your usual so you don’t have to pay extra for a curaçao and tequila. Your drink will be undoubtedly be watered down, so stick to a brand that can’t be replaced with its lesser named spirit and try to not to use the bathroom here, even though after a few Fireballs, you probably wont mind. Break out your 80’s attire and be ready to hit up a Chicago dog after showing off your best Pretty in Pink dance moves at Exit. Also make sure to check out the website before attending, just in case you’re not into the whole bondage thing, you’ll be able to skip that night.

https://www.exit-chicago.com/
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The MID
306 N Halsted St
Friday 10pm-4am
Saturday 10pm-5am
Sunday Closed
Monday 10pm-4am
Tuesday-Thursday Closed

    While Porn and Chicken night should go down under the worst 4am bar night category, I actually love it. The MID offers a performance by EDM band Porn and Chicken on Monday nights. Porn and Chicken are, as they call themselves, lewd, crude, lascivious and scandalous. It is easily one of Chicago’s hottest dance parties. Inside the smoke machine filled club you will find an entertaining show filled with flashing laser lights, a dancing chicken, roller skating hotties, unexpected explicit nudity, and scantily dressed clubbers. The MID is located in River North and they pride themselves in bringing out Chicago’s best freaks and encourage you to drop your pants and party your night away. Don’t forget to check the MID out on other nights, while it is not the swankiest 4am club, it is a decent one to keep the night going.

https://www.themidchicago.com/

http://soreadytobang.com/
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sound-Bar
Friday: 10pm-4am
Saturday: 10pm-5am  
Sunday: 10pm–4am
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday Closed

    Located across the street from Celeste in River North’s club district, Sound-Bar prides themselves in being one of Chicago’s hottest upscale late night clubs. I tend to disagree a bit with this statement. While it absolutely offers an atmosphere comparable to South Beach’s hippest night clubs, it is just that. With a DJ that plays the trendiest (ratchiest) club remixes and cocktails are served up in plastic cups, there’s rarely a dull moment while bottles are popped every few minutes accompanied by light up sparklers and presented by beautiful women. Sound-Bar certainly offers a different atmosphere than it’s classier neighbor Celeste, across the street, but is more posh than any Porn and Chicken night at the MID. Sound-Bar also offers plush couches if you’re lucky enough to snag one with an overpriced bottle service, if you’re looking to spend that type of cash, otherwise just take advantage of partying it up with Chicago’s best clubbers.  

http://sound-bar.com/

The Ugly

 

 

 

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South Loop Club
1 E Balbo Dr, Chicago, IL 60605
Thursday 11am-4am
Friday 11am-4am
Saturday 11am-5am
Sunday 11am-4am
Monday 11am-4am
Tuesday 11am-4am
Wednesday 11am-4am

    Even though this is a South Loop Chicago staple, it falls in the worst 4am bar catagory. I don’t know the last time that this place was deep cleaned let alone if it has ever been revamped since its existence. It is however, the very first bar that I landed at when I arrived in Chicago as a transient and looking for a meal and cocktail at midnight, so it will forever have a special place in my heart for that reason. Nonetheless, I know what the night holds whenever I step foot in here, which is why I am forewarning you. While you will definitely be able to quench a late night thirst or case of midnight munchies, don’t expect the world here. It is the opportune place to grab a pitcher of beer before or after, or even during your favorite Chicago sports game, be it that it is open from the late morning until nearly daybreak, plus after a few beers their Chicago Dog tastes like any old Chicago Dog out there.

Tai’s Till 4
3611 N Ashland Ave
Chicago, IL 60613

Thursday 7pm-4am
Friday 7pm-4am
Saturday 8pm-5am
Sunday 7pm-4am
Monday 7pm-4am
Tuesday 7pm-4am
Wednesday 7pm-4am

    When I first saw the name of Tai’s Till 4 I totally read it as “Tail’s Till 4” and maybe should be called that. Often times the crawling ant pile of the crowd’s male ratio out ways the female ratio and barbarically rude bartenders will make you feel as if you have regressed in time. Most of the patrons are allowed to do as they please and if you get out of line here you will have to answer to one of the brute bouncers who most likely have a rap-sheet of their own. My advice, if you feel like you are in the mood for a night cap in Andersonville and accidentally stumble in here, get in, grab a shot and get out while you still can.

The Beaumont
2020 N Halsted St
Chicago, IL 60614

Thursday 6pm-4am
Friday 6pm-4am
Saturday 3pm-5am
Sunday Closed
Monday - Closed
Tuesday - Closed
Wednesday - 6pm-4am

    The Beaumont calls themselves Lincoln Park’s number one dance bar and grill. Most of the patrons who come here would say that’s simply not true, they are just the only ones around until 4am. Drinks are expensive and are served in plastic cups, I suppose better to not break on the dance floor. The establishment is in need of a serious cleaning, which at this point, it would have to be a pressure cleaner as patrons have often claimed seeing rats and feces when they take their beer googles off for a closer look. If you do venture here (please, only if you are already tipsy and in need just one more) then be prepared to pay a $7 door charge to the pretentious bouncer who will front as if he’s working in Chicago’s hippest bar.