by Kara Machowski
I can still recall being five years old at the neighborhood pool with my cousin as we imitated Michael Jackson’s moves by jumping into the water holding our crotches and letting out an ‘ow!’ yelp like Jackson would famously do. A few years later I was sitting up with my best-friend at night as we watched an entire Jackson performance live on television. He was an icon unlike any that we have seen since his very creation. To this day I cannot think of a single performer who can hold a candle to Michael, let alone picture a Halloween without recreating the famous Thriller dance. His music, his kindness, his performance lived in the hearts of fans for decades and still flourishes in devotees and few who are confused as to whether they can still listen to his music believing the stories of Wade Robson and James Safechuck.
Just Because Michael Jackson May Have Committed These Crimes Doesn’t Mean You Have To Hate the Music
Many Twitter users are denouncing listening to Michael Jackson's music while a few radio stations who are choosing to silence the late pop star. Recently Wade Robson was quickly interviewed at LAX by TMZ and asked waht he thought about how fans are conflicted about listening to his music "that's not really my concern, if I have any hope it's just that we question in general who it is that we are worship and why". That's a powerful statement from a person who was allegedly abused by the artist. The simple truth is that so many people chose to ignore the allegations of abuse so many years ago because of his popularity. There was a powerful moment on Oprah Winfrey Presents After Neverland where she quotes Maureen Dowd in an article from the New York Times where she stated “celebrity supersedes criminality", "how can you see clearly when you’re looking into the sun?" and "how can an icon be a con?" The fact is that there should be a separation of artist from their work because if not we tend to not be able to look past the successes of that person and that becomes an excuse to defend to act, like "he's such a superstar, why would he do that?" or "I love his music so I'm not believing the haters", but in fact, you can still listen to your favorite Michael Jackson songs as long as you recognize that he was a different person than the music.
You Can Still Love Your Abuser
Like many children who were molested, my abuse began around the age eight and continued for a few years after that. I was molested by a close family member of whom I sought love from. I put a stop to the abuse around the age of twelve and it took me another couple of years to truly understand that I was used by my abuser. I also understood my part in the acts as well as the facts that I had been groomed and abused. I came out to my parents at fifteen, but much to my surprise, they didn’t believe me. I was afraid so long of being caught that I never put thought into the fact that no one would believe me. I subsequently was sent to a therapeutic boarding school.
“I could despise the unforgivable things that were done to me, like I could be angry with my parents for not believing me, but I could still choose to love everyone”
Though therapy, I came to an understanding that I could despise the unforgivable things that were done to me, like I could be angry with my parents for not believing me, but I could still choose to love everyone. I chose and still choose love. To this day, my abuser is one of my best friends and I love them dearly, despite what was done to me. I had overcome my past, faced it, and was now a better person because of it. I was able to forgive my parents for not believing me, and I still don’t know where they stand, but the fact is that I know my truth, my truth is my reality and if my parents choose to live in the dark, in denial, that’s okay because I choose to see the light.
Many fans, family and friends who were close not only to Jackson, but also Wade and Safechuck, are in uproar because of how ‘well’ Michael treated them. Michael not only aided Robson’s family in their move to the States from Australia, but also with Robson’s career and money when the family fell on hard times. He introduced both boys and their parents to celebrities, took them on tour with him while putting the families up in swank hotel rooms. In the start of the documentary Robinson says,“he was one of the kindest, most gentle, loving, caring, people I knew. He helped me tremendously he helped me with my career, my creativity and all those sorts of things and also sexually abused me for seven years.” There is a formidable way in which Robson and Safechuck still reflect on Michael Jackson, as if that affinity for for him.
Molesters of Children Behave Differently Than Rapists of Adults
A rape of an adult is usually a vicious, lurid act, unless the victim is asleep or has a crippling mental condition, while a molestation can be seen as friendly by the abused until sometimes years later when they realize what actually happened. Child molesters often conduct in the same way as a molester of the mentally handicapped. For most child victims, it’s their first experience with anything sexual. Adult rape victims understand sex, once the act is over or they awake and realize what has occurred they understand nearly instantly that it was wrong. In child molestation cases, the abuse begins with grooming and often the child doesn’t realize what actually occurred until years later. This is because the grooming process can be a friendly experience for children.
First the molester already has or gains the trust of any adult caregiver. During the process the molester not only gains the trust of the child they intend to abuse, they also make them feel like they are special which can include adult/child secrets and coaxing of guilt with fear. When the trust is gained and the sexual act is occurring, the abuser often attempts to make sure that the victim is comfortable and fully okay with the sexual act. This is important because it makes the child feel as if they okay with it and are equally responsible for the act. This way they often feel like they have to keep the secret or else they would be in just as much trouble.
“The conditioning of love with acceptance and that sexual act forces the child to become dependent on being sexually abused to feel normal and loved”
The consistency of the act itself becomes a sort of assurance to a child. It means that they are still special, they are still seen. Most times they are seeking out that type of love from the actual abuser because they have already been groomed to emotionally need that person. The conditioning of love with acceptance combined with the sexual act forces the child become dependent on being sexually victimized in order to feel normal and loved. This is similar to Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim loves the abuser and defends or justifies the abusive or bad behavior out of sympathy for the offender.
“Michael was accepted by the world and therefore if they were accepted by Michael, then they were accepted by the world”
In Jackson’s history he befriended not only the parents of both Wade and James, but the boy’s themselves. He lavished them in celebrity meetings, nights in Neverland, world tours because he wanted the acceptance of these families. The truth was that Michael was accepted by the world and therefore if the boys were accepted by Michael, then they were accepted by the world. What bigger acceptance could a child be looking for? Robson states that when other boys entered the picture in Michael's life he became jealous and when Michael did abuse him again “it made him feel better, like they were okay and back to normal”.
A Man Sleeping in a Bed with Young Boys is Pedophile Grooming
The ideal outcome for a molester is to get as close to the child as possible. This can be a lengthly process when they aren’t already a family or friend. This means that they need to either separate the child from the parent or they need to gain the trust of the parents to gain access to the child. The next step is getting either into the house of the child or subduing the child into their home or secret meeting area. Jackson was able to do both through his status. As previously seen in Abducted in Plain Sight, the pedophile befriends the child’s parents and convinces them that he is a psychologist and needs conduct a test by sleeping in their child’s bed to prove a theory of his. He is able to gain access to that child four nights a week and it was only later that the learned that he didn’t even possess a medical license.
“The scary thing is that Michael not only groomed these little boys and their families, he groomed America to think that an adult sleeping in a bed with little boys was normal and acceptable”
In Jackson’s case the parents first denied him access to their children at night. They felt that a grown man sleeping in bed with a boy was not only unnecessary, but odd. And in the word “odd” it’s not like putting pineapples on a pizza, it’s “odd” in the sense that it’s something a pedophile would do. The scary thing is that if the allegations are true, Michael not only groomed these little boys and their families, he groomed America to think that an adult sleeping in a bed with little boys is normal and acceptable.
There were little boys around the world at the time wishing that they could be as special as Wade and James, wanting to be the ones who slept in bed with Michael. What I can’t wrap my head around is how so many people, ranging from friends to supporters, seem to relate his known actions of sleeping with young boys in bed to his painful upbringing and never being able to properly grow up, yet they didn’t implore the pop star to seek help. Even after the first allegations of child sexual abuse surfaced in 1993, boys, Robson and Safechuck were still allowed to continue to sleep in bed with Jackson. It's not only heartbreaking because of the allegations that have been made throughout the years and the children who may have been harmed, but in the end, Michael ended up turning to drugs which ultimately ended his life. The truth is that child molestation happens all the time. 1 in 5 females are molested as children while 1 in 20 men are sexually abused as a child. We have to be aware that this type of abuse is out there and not let the abusers status or our personal opinion of them outweigh the allegations.
If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
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